When I was growing up in Dothan, Alabama I had many examples to follow for being a great mom. As with most Southern Baptist churches, the pews were full of big families every Sunday morning and each of those ladies tried their best to be the perfect church lady mom. All the little girls were dressed and coiffed in their finest smocked dresses, big hair bows and white patent leather shoes and the boys certainly didn’t miss a beat either sporting their Jon Jon’s, white knee socks and Peter Pan collared shirts. Mamas carried their big purses full of half sticks of Wrigley Spearmint chewing gum, Kleenex, paper and crayons just to keep the kids quiet and occupied during “big church.” All that to say, those bows quickly came out, shirts came untucked, shoes got scratched and snot flew. But despite everything turning into a hot mess, these mamas beamed with pride and they showed up week after week and day after day for their babies.
Amongst the sweet Southern ladies was the best mom of all, my mom Martha Hannah. She raised us three girls, was a stay-at-home mom, and doctor’s wife who also put him through law school and volunteered for everything under the sun. Our clothes always looked immaculate( even if it was leg warmers and stirrup pants), almost 90% of our meals were homemade ( except for Pizza Hut lunch buffet iykyk), she kept our home looking beautiful and we always knew she was gonna love us 200%.
It’s no wonder with such a great example of a mom, that at some point in my adulthood, I decided I would like to be a mom too. It just seems to be the natural progression of life, but boy this parenting thing is hard. Hats off to the mamas that made it look so easy, but it is like hard 24 seven. Somehow you were supposed to keep the creatures alive while simultaneously teaching them life, skills, morals, and common sense before boot-kicking them out of your house at the ripe old age of 18. All the wild, the fear of “failure to launch” looms above our thoughts repeatedly.
We somehow have to volunteer for all the things at school, monitor our kids’ screen time/social media 24 seven, provide healthy meals, entertain them when they’re bored and be their friend every single stinking day. All while being a good wife, working at a business and keeping a sane mind. It’s right near impossible.
Here’s how it goes in our house. We have a son, who is 19 and a daughter who is almost 17. So, I kind of feel like years of being in the weeds are behind us, but we have new challenges on the horizon. our son learned about the birds and peas by watching Jerry, Seinfeld and George Costanza with his father nightly. We sent them to driving school to learn to drive because we were too scared to do so. We wanted to save what slipper of a relationship we had left. We eat dinner at 9 p.m. in front of the TV at our coffee table. Our children have no chores, they believe that is a personal front to their independence. My kids stay up way later than I do they tuck me in. and we pay for our daughter’s sport of horseback riding, which makes her think she’s living a bougie lifestyle. When really we are, the people on the block that are the poorest because we are business owners. All that to say, despite all the steps we have made in our parenting journey, the kids are all right. They know the value of money( most of the time), they are respectful, work harder than any teens I know, are great students and feel like they can talk to us about everything. I know I spend too much time on my phone and work weird hours, but we are always been with our kids. We eat together, watch TV together, take afternoon drives together, and always spend time together. We were very fortunate we didn’t need daycare, but also we never even really used a babysitter because we didn’t ever really go out anywhere without our kids. So, although we might joke that we get sick of each other, we like our company. That has made them confident, strong young adults. we didn’t go on expensive trips, or expensive outings we just had simple drives in the country, dog parks, ice cream dates, anything where our kids knew we were always there for them. Yes, this parenting thing is hard and messy and messed up, but the kids are all right.